


If I had a match for every lie (I'd strike a few)

by modernpatroclus



Series: Four Years Strong [4]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: 4x08, F/M, Felicity's Father - Freeform, Speculation, episode fic, here to fuck shit up, papa smoak - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 20:25:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5429648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/modernpatroclus/pseuds/modernpatroclus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Felicity recovers from the attack in the limo, she receives an emotional blow when she finds out about William.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I had a match for every lie (I'd strike a few)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after 4x08 and before 4x09, but I reworked it a little to include the finale. And I just had to have her father get involved, because _just think of the angst potential, guys._  
>  Before the finale, I totally thought they would break up when she finds out ~~again~~ , but after her little speech about fighting through the hard times together, I'm thinking that they just might stay together, but maybe put off the engagement somehow.  
> Obviously, I hope they stay together. But I'm trying to prep myself for the worst beforehand, just in case.  
> The title comes from "Navy Blue" by The Story So Far.

Oliver takes a deep breath before pushing open the door to the loft, trying to muster up the courage for what he’s about to do. He knows he messed up with not telling her before, as soon as she’d asked. But Barry told him what happened – or at least part of it – the first time, and he’s _scared_. He doesn’t want to lose her, he can’t. And despite her endless reassurances and reaffirmations of her love for him, Oliver can’t help the fear. It’s like a weight of lead in his gut,

When he walks in, he expects to find Felicity on the couch resting like he keeps telling her to, but of course she isn’t.

He’s about to call her name, wondering where she is, when he smells something burning. And without even having to step foot in the kitchen, Oliver knows exactly what’s happening: Felicity is trying – and evidently, failing – to cook again.

He shakes his head and heads in there, and of course it’s burning, because she’s not even in the room. Instead, he sees her out on the balcony. Her back is to him, and she has one hand to her ear and the other in a death-grip holding the railing.

He’s just turned off the stove and made for the door when she comes inside, looking upset and distracted.

“Hey.” Her eyes fly to his, and she jumps at his voice, not even having noticed his presence. “Is everything okay?” Though he already knows the answer.

“Oh, _I’m_ fine. But _you_ have a lot of explaining to do,” she says. Her voice is calm, but he can feel the storm raging underneath. Her Loud Voice is about to come out, and he knows exactly why.

“Felicity, I-“ he tries, but she puts up a hand, cutting him off at once.

“Save it, Oliver. You had multiple chances to tell me, but you didn’t.” He flinches, and the fear is back, and with it the guilt he’d been feeling since first lying to her. “How long did you think you could hide this from me? A _son_ , Oliver! That isn’t something that can stay a secret for long. You lied to my face!”

“H-“ he tries to speak, but the word won’t come out. That lead has traveled up into his throat. He clears it, and tries again. “How? How did you find out?”

She walks toward him, so much shorter but dangerously intimidating in her ire. “My father. You know, the cybercriminal who’s recently come back into my life and for whatever reason, is pretending to care. so he looked into you. And I had to find out from _him_ that you have a son!”

“I couldn’t tell you, Felicity! Barry went back in time after the first attempt to defeat Savage failed, and he told me that when you found out the first time, we broke up!”

Felicity scoffs, throwing up her hands in disbelief. “See, you said it just now! When I ‘found out,’ meaning that you must’ve kept it from me – again! _That_ is why I’m mad, Oliver. _That_ is why I’m seriously reconsidering marrying you.” The words don’t betray the utter heartbreak she’s feeling at that moment, and Felicity is proud of herself.

Oliver, however, doesn’t even try to hide his emotions. “What . . . What are you saying? You want to break up?” He looks so heartbroken that Felicity has to turn away.

“You were lying to me when you proposed! Do you really want to start our marriage – your second, by the way – with a lie? This isn’t like me lying to you about helping the team. This is huge. You have a whole other life, one you were trying to hide from me! How am I supposed to start a life with you when you have another one without me? That’s not a marriage I want to be part of.” Then Felicity slides the ring off of her finger.

Oliver looks away from her searing, honest scrutiny. Because she’s right – when isn’t she? He should never have proposed under the circumstances.

“I . . . I was afraid. When Barry told me, I believed it, because I’ve always questioned why you love me. And then Samantha told me that if I wanted to be in William’s life at all, I couldn’t tell anyone. So I panicked, and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I was terrified; I thought you would break up with me when you found out,” he tries, desperately, to make her understand. But the look in her eyes – the hurt, the anger, the _betrayal_ – tells him his worst fears are coming true.

“You listened to secondhand information! Do you not know me at all? Oliver, I would _never_ be angry at you for having a child. You didn’t know about him, and it happened before we met.” Her words hold only truth. Once she realized what the lie was, her anger gave way to hurt. She could never be angry over this. But she can’t let it go, either. For her own sake, she needs to leave; but first, she needs him to know _why_.

“I can almost guarantee that whatever fight we had in the erased timeline was due to the same thing this one is: You lied about it. You had a chance to redo it, and you _still_ lied!”

“I thought I would lose you! Felicity,” he whispers, his voice breaking on her name. “I can’t – I _can’t_ lose you.” His hands are reaching for her, but he doesn’t dare move. He knows she needs space, and though he can physically feel each step breaking him, he’ll give it to her.

Felicity feels a stab of pain, of guilt, for being the one to put this man, the man she loves, who has suffered enough for three lifetimes, through even more pain. But she can’t let him keep doing this to her. If they have any hope of a successful relationship, he needs to learn not to lie. And if a break is what it takes, she’ll do it.

“You know what the worst part is, Oliver?” She says, her voice quiet and calm. But he can hear the anger and hurt, because he knows her better than he knows himself, despite what she just said. He closes his eyes, braces himself for the blow, the one he knows he can’t recover from.

“It’s that if you had just told me, _trusted me,”_ and his eyes snap open, meeting hers, because _of course_ he trusts her, can’t she see that? “you never would have lost me. But you didn’t, and I can’t let it go. We can’t go back,” she says, her voice starting to crack along with her resolve.

“Tell me what I have to do to fix this,” he begs, starting to walk towards her, hands outstretched for hers. When she shakes her head, putting her hand out, and like it’s an actual shield, he halts at once.

“You can’t,” she says simply. “You had your chance to fix it. You could have told me at any point since finding out. But you kept it from me, so you can’t do anything now. I need time and space to think, away from you.”

And there it is. As if he can actually _feel_ his heart splitting into fragments with each word she delivers, like a hammer to his heart.

“You’re hurt. You shouldn’t leave. I can stay somewhere else,” he pleads, because of course he’s still going to put her first, and the irrational part of her brain is irritated that she can’t just be angry with him.

“Oliver, I can’t stay here. I need time away from us, and being here won’t give me that,” she says simply, meeting his tear-filled gaze one brief, last time.

“Felicity, please don’t leave,” he tries, but he knows it’s futile. If she wants to leave, he won’t – can’t, because that’s not an option; she holds the control – try to stop her. As much as it hurts, he has to let her go, because he has caused her enough pain, and she deserves happiness. If he can’t give it to her, she needs to find what can.

She turns to walk upstairs, undoubtedly to pack, and it takes every ounce of strength in his hollow body not to follow.

Instead, he gives her one last thing, knowing it’s all he has to offer, knowing it’ll never be enough.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers to her back.

She freezes, her foot raised to the first step, her hand hovering over the rail.

“I know,” she replies, just as quietly. And the worst part is that, despite how badly he’s hurt her – again – he knows that she’s not angry. Oh, he deserves all of the ire she has; but what she feels is _betrayed_. And nothing he can do now can fix the damage, the wounds he inflicted on her already battered heart.

And because she’s so much better than he is, because all she knows how to do is love, despite every shitty hand life has dealt her that should make it the last thing she would do, she will forgive him.

But even with her forgiveness he will get and the love he already has, it may not be enough. And nothing he can do will be.

And he knows, if somehow he could do it all over again, he would probably lie again. Because when it comes to Felicity, Oliver can’t do anything sensical if she isn’t part of the decision-making process.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are much appreciated. :)


End file.
